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14 July 2007 @ 03:23 pm
This is just a quote from our yoga instructor, Vida, here at operaworks.. where every day I find a new way to open up.. : )

You may not have grown up in an African tribe that sings your song to you at crucial life transitions . . . but life is always reminding you when you are in tune with yourself and when you are not. When you feel good, what you are doing matches your song and when you feel awful, it doesn't.
In the end we shall recognize our song and sing it well.
You may feel a little warbly at the moment but so have all the great singers.
Just keep singing and you'll find your way home.
27 June 2007 @ 05:18 pm
Ok! So I can't even remember the last time I posted... but I do know that writing is the easiest way for me to express myself.. so I thought maybe I should get back into writing in my journal.

Ive been hanging out in Ithaca since graduation.. just going through all my stuff and trying to get rid of as much as I can before the next move. I applied for a teaching job at SUNY Cortland.. just part time voice.. but they never got back to me, and this is after doing a follow up to make sure that they received everything.. I cant sit and think about why I didnt get an interview.. so I wont. It just wasn't meant to be.. and I'll leave it at that.

John and I weren't meant to be either apparently. Last weekend he came out and told me he didnt want to see me as more than a friend anymore. He said he didnt feel a connection and that something was missing. Guy for "i loved the sex but I can't see you as my gf'.. at least he was nice enough to end it after 2 months instead of 2 years.. and If im going to be honest.. I suppose I felt that there was something missing to. I want a guy that needs me and cant go a day without seeing or talking to me.. I dont want to have to think about if were right for eachother.. it should just be obvious that this is the guy.. so.. I was upset ofcourse..cried for a few days.. and think I am finally ok about it. I can't let it get me down.. I need to focus on singing and LA, and myself.. John and I will probably be friends.. if only because he's the only friend I have left here in Ithaca since Melissa moved to Binghamton.. and I like hanging out with him.. plus he has guitar hero..which I have become addicted to! Everything happens for a reason...

Speaking of myself.. .I hit my 10% goal this tuesday at Weight watchers... down 25lbs in 6 months.. which is better than gaining that amount.. a little annoyed at how long its taking.. averages about 1 pound a week.. and i have been on a plateau for a month.. but in the end.. if i can do 50lb in a year.. id be happy.. my next goal is to be down 30 by my birthday, 40 by my recital in october.. and 50 by christmas... I think thats more than do-able.

Im off to LA this saturday for operaworks.. it should be a real eye opener, and i will get to work on stepping out of the box (and thoughts of technique!) and really give it a try as a singer-actor. Im working on thinking positive thoughts. I don't buy into that "secret" book.. i did watch part of the dvd.. and what really stuck was the 'sending out positive thoughts, and you'll get what you want'.. while its rediculous to think that 'if i think about getting 100 dollars, the next day I will have it'.. the positive thinking of it all makes a lot of sense. I've seen it work with losing weight.. If im positive about it and myself.. not letting myself beat up on myself (how many times can i say 'myself' in one run on sentence?! hah).. i lose weight.. same thing goes for sining.. if i get out of my way and stop thinking i have to BE something else than what I am.. and just stay positive, my voice improves.. so.. that another goal of mine...

Im going to attempt to journal every day while im in LA, Im sure you'll all get bored with the singer talk (unless youre a singer too!).. I hope you all are doing well and having a productive summer!

Current Location: my hot bedroom
Current Mood: optimisticoptimistic
19 May 2007 @ 05:10 pm
Im a Masters!!
Not officially because I have to give my recital in the fall still.. but I went through graduation/hooding ceremony today! WOO!
23 February 2007 @ 07:49 pm
So i got an audit from NY state yesterday for taxes from 2003. This was the year i got my inheritance from mom.. so i was audited by the IRS too... but now im getting it from NY. $5600.. Money I don't have unless I break into my brokerage account, which i will have to pay the fines for doing that next tax season. So frustrating. I think it's really frustrating that you have to pay taxes on money you never asked for... but.. I guess Im going to take all my money out of the brokerage account.. about $26,000 in there.. ill probably open up a new savings account and put 15-20K in there, and the rest will be going to new york state. HSBC has a new savings/CD with a 5.5%apr.. which is pretty sweet.. So im off to the bank tomorrow morning to sort that out.

In other news..

Things are going really really well. Things with Drew are back to normal and im not letting myself get ahead of things.. one day at a time with this one. It will be a different story when I move to Vestal in August with my friend Melissa. The distance is whats making it hard for both of us. He's coming up tomorrow to hang out.

School is good... Puccini class at cornell is intense and I need to get going on a paper topic. Im really nervous about writting a paper for 2 verdi/puccini scholars. What new info/ideas can I possibly bring to them. Im going to see if I can do some kind of performance/presentation. I might just take all the puccini heroines and compare and contrast them... or take the death scenes and compare them... I don't know.. stupid Cornell!!

Singing is going GREAT! Things are really starting to click with my technique and my confidence has started to build. Im still postponing my recital to Ocotber, even though im done with Ithaca this coming may. (as long as I pass my theory comps!! GAH!!!)

my twin was in the hospital last weekend with an Ulcer... she is fine now accept for the fact that she's probably really sick of soup.. Im just waiting for it to happen to me now... ya know the whole twin thang.. hah

I put in my audition packets to OperaWorks in LA, Seagle Music Colony in upstate NY, and Opera in the Ozarks for the summer. I find out about OperaWorks this coming monday.. seagle in mid-march and Ozarks end of march. Im also competing in the Rochester NATS at the end of March. Opera workshop is good. I have 2 scenes... Brittens 'rape of lucretia', im the female chorus. I also am Paquette in Candide .. were (once again).. doing "make our garden grow". Im just thankful I finally have some opera scenes.. I have a lot going for me this semester and I dont want to take it for granted.. gotta keep goin if this is what I want to do for my life!!!

ok - thats enough...
I just caught Greys Anatomy finally.. very sad episode and all i could think about was mom.. and ofcourse I cried.. but its a lot easier to cry now.. if that makes sense..

peace out,

07 February 2007 @ 05:12 pm
down 7 pounds in 4 weeks...

Im happy with that!
23 January 2007 @ 11:02 pm
So another day and another bit of good news!

So im doing weight watchers.. Its really not bad at all.. I eat what I like, just less of it. First week i lost 1 lb.. and this 2nd week, weigh-in today, Im down 2.5lbs... WOOOO! I might make 5 by next tuesdays weigh-in.. im super excited about finally having a plan that WORKS
22 January 2007 @ 11:00 pm
So.. today was the first day back to school.. it was fine.. Had to stop in and see my advisor about adding a class over at Cornell. She told me to go to the music office and say She sent me. I was like.. what did I do now!!! I know I failed theory but c'mon!! So i go to the music office and they tell me that they have extra money from last summer and are offering me a full-time assistantship with stipend!


I was shocked! It pays full tuition and I get a stipend on top of it?!! NO WAY!

Ofcourse I said that I have 12 free hours.. to do whatever it is they need.. could be office or library or box office.. who knows.. but it pays full tuition and i get more money on top of that.

I SO needed to hear this today because I was very close to going down to HSBC and closing one of my brokerage(Stock) accounts so I could have money for the semester. But now I can keep it there! Yay!.. Plus.. eventually all my financial aid will disburse and I'll have all that money I was going to use for tuition.. so extra money to SAVE. HOly CRAP.. I havent had a savings account since High School..

So thats my happy news.. School is going great to far.. and so is singing and everything else in my life... I think it really *is* going to be a great new year!
Current Music: Ani Difranco
17 January 2007 @ 06:12 pm
So.. yes... It has been since JULY since my last post

let me explain.. or attempt to explain...

Last semester was pretty crappy.. and for no good reason.. I just lost all motivation and desire to do pretty much anything but be in a crappy relationship and pretend to be a grad student.

Im moving forward now though...
Got out of the crappy relationship.. and am FINE being single and working on myself instead.
Im doing weight watchers and am committed for real.. not just interested in losing weight.
Im singing/practicing every day .. its what I go to school for.. I should probably do it every day! Im letting a really good voice go to waste.. thats not cool.. So im back at it.

So life is moving forward.. and it feels good... Im going to attempt to write on here at least once a week.. It may be in a big update post.. but its better than nothing!
26 July 2006 @ 11:37 am

1. Only drunk dial when you are drunk. Everything else is false

2.It is okay to call someone 27 times in one night. If you don't
it, it didn't happen.

3.If you are going to drunk dial a family member, say something nice. Ex: "Mom I'm in McDonald's and they're playing our song. I love you."

4.Dirty talk while drunk dialing is always preferred. Who doesn't want to hear your best raspy, phone sex voice at 3 in the A.M. asking to bend them over something.

5.Voicemails are always better. This way your friend can let their
friends have fun at your expense for days, even weeks to come.

6.Drunk texting is alright... If you are prepared to read what you
wrote the next day when you are sober.

7.It is definitely a good idea to call all of your exes and remind them that you were the best lover they've ever had and everything they know, they learned from you. This way you can sleep well at night.

8.You can also call this same ex and let him know, that you know, that he still loves you. Then explain to him that I would still love me too!

9.If you are a frequent dialer, never get mad if someone dials you. Be happy they thought of you in this special time.

10.It is always a good idea to sing on someone's answering machine or voicemail. Especially a show tune.

11.Drunk dialing should be fun and light hearted or dirty and sex
crazed...Never angry.

12.Most likely you will never drunk dial your best friends. They are
usually the ones taking your phone away and reminding you that "you have a problem".

13.If you deleted a number sober, it was probably for a good reason. Do not try to retrieve this number. Nothing good can come from it.

14.Always call someone you know. Finding random numbers in phone books is bad and usually leads to angry dialing.

15.If your cell phone dies, remember everything happens for a reason. Never borrow a friend's phone to do your dialing.

16. Drunk dialing to foreign country is usually too costly to be a good idea. But if you really feel like if you don't call this person you'll just die, break rule 15 and use a friend's phone.

17.Drunk dialing may lead to drunk muffin stuffing.... Be prepared.

18.When dialing remember that "hanging out" at 3 in the A.M. usually doesn't involve cards; it's probably going to be more like cheap lube and handcuffs. So be prepared when you really do want to play X-box when you're drunk..... "you want me to do what with your box? Play with it?"

19.Don't drunk dial in the pool, tub, or rainstorm. It only ends up
with you blow drying your phone when you're far to drunk to be using electronics and you wont be able to drunk dial anymore that night.

20.Never, I repeat, never drunk dial your boss, preacher, grandpa, or friend's parents. If you are that hard up to call someone, there is an 800 number on Budweiser boxes. The person on the other line always sounds cute, plus I think they are used to drunk dialers
14 July 2006 @ 09:42 am
(Click here to post your own answers for this meme.)

I miss somebody right now.  (more than someone... my sister...) × I don't watch much TV these days. × I own lots of books.
I wear glasses or contact lenses. × I love to play video games. I've tried marijuana.
I've watched porn movies. × I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship. I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
I curse sometimes.  (sometimes?! How about I use 'Fuck' more than should be allowed!) I have changed a lot mentally over the last year. × I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
it goes on...Collapse )